“The Rough Patch”

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The thrill is gone! Well not really, but it sure feels that way, right? The constant need for physical connection is dwindling and truth be told you secretly enjoy your alone time. So why do you feel so bad? It’s normal, right? You knew the relationship wouldn’t be perfect all the time, right? Now he/she is doing things that make your skin crawl like her constant need to talk during a movie or the way he farts in the morning and doesn’t say excuse me. Well my friend I have your diagnosis…you have exited the Honeymoon Stage of your relationship and have now entered into what I like to call the “Rough Patch.” There are fewer heart emojis and rare I miss you mores. You’ve entered the hard work stage of your relationship. Your meeting agenda was filled with hearts with your future initials and you felt the need to include their name in every convo. “Can you pass the ketchup? Steve loves ketchup.” The fact of the matter is that every healthy relationship starts with the Honeymoon Stage and I’m sorry to let you down, but it doesn’t always stay that way. Once you’ve hit the “Rough Patch” the things that you overlooked before now enrage you and you think that your partner has become complacent and is changing when in most cases he has never put the soap back in the soap dish. You’re just now realizing it because the blinders of love have been lifted. The good news is it doesn’t last forever and sometimes the “Rough Patch” can be insightful. Below you’ll find some tips to help you cope with that “Rough Patch.”

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1. This is normal! No one is perfect all the time.

I’m guilty of this one myself. You’re arguing more and you think the relationship has run its course. Change your thinking. Now you can really see your partner for who they really are without those love blinders. Then you can truly learn to accept their true authentic selves. You learn to love them past their mess. Truth be told they are things you need to change too so change together and don’t expect it overnight.

2. Talk it out.

Communication is important in the Rough Patch because now you can decipher the deal breakers from what you can honestly live with (Yes, it’s possible to live with something you can’t stand). Maybe you can’t deal with him leaving his clothes all around the house, but you can deal with watching The Voice with her once a week. It’s all about compromise.

3. Rekindle the flame.

Don’t settle and get complacent in the Rough Patch. Do things to combat the arguing or disagreements. Try something new, learn to date new ways, try “just because gifts”, etc. These things make the Rough Patch more enjoyable. The important thing to remember here is that you love one another.

4. Stick it out.

If he/she is worth fighting for, FIGHT! The Rough Patch is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. Have an honest conversation with yourself and each other and decide whether your relationship has really run its course or if you’re just going through a rough patch.

5. See the light at the end of the tunnel.

Despite how grim it looks right now, YOU WILL MAKE IT! It’s so easy for us to see our current circumstances and feel defeated, but don’t fret it’s only a test. This will make your relationship stronger because you will have a story to tell. You will accomplish this TOGETHER and you will look back on it and realize that it wasn’t that bad after all. Most of all you BOTH will have to FIGHT for the relationship which will make your partner appreciate you so much more.

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

In summary, “You can’t have a relationship without any fights, but you can make your relationship worth the fight.”

couples holding hands. -Queen Mes ❤

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19 thoughts on ““The Rough Patch”

  1. This was absolutely AMAZING & VERY HELPFUL. Thanks Queen Mez… I’m sure this rough patch I’m in won’t be too bad from now on.

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  2. Mesa love it !! The rough patch is the toughest part but u truly learn your partner .. Great stArt but I’m in the annoying dating stage .. What’s your insight on that area ?

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  3. I loveed this sis. Very enjoyable to read. But yes I agree with Zak. What about the dating stage. Its easy to get annoyed and not want to fight then

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  4. Love the article, Jamesa! It was very well written. How do you decide what is capable of being worked through and when it’s time to move on?

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    1. Thanks so much girl! I guess it depends on your heart. I always say if it hurts more than it helps it’s time to move on. If the Rough Patch is constant and there’s not sign of the Honeymoon Stage returning then maybe the relationship has run its course. In order for the Rough Patch to work BOTH members of the relationship have to work. At the end of the day we all secretly know when a relationship has ended in our minds we just have to find the courage to actually end it and move forward.

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  5. Being in a long term relationship and now marriage and having 4 years not being around each other as often as normal because of school I have to say everything you have said so far is very true. Long term relationships let alone marriages do not get stronger without there being many disagreements/arguments. If it’s meant to be both individuals are willing to fight through it all and see past the pride that will come at different times. Talking it out is always the best thing to do whether it be at that moment or after things have died down. No two people in a relationship are perfect. It’s two imperfect people seeing past the imperfections that make a relationship perfect in their eyes.

    Glad to see you are doing this sis and I’m looking forward to the future ones.

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  6. This was such a great read! I agree 100%! I’m so proud of you for stepping out on faith and digging into the wonderful world of dating…lol..much success to your vision!

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