Once upon a time there were two friends who did everything together. They shopped together, studied together, they even finished each others sentences. They vowed they would be friends forever and nothing would ever come between them, but then the inevitable happened…one of them found love. Suddenly the calls were less frequent, the shopping trips halted, and they even stopped finishing each others sentences. Her friend was devastated and she didn’t know what to do. How could she go on without her friend? Oh, the agony! Okay, maybe this scenario is a bit exaggerated, but we all have either been the “Forgotten Friend” or the “Distant Lover”. So what do you do in a situation like this?
1. Communicate the REAL Issue
You aren’t upset or bitter that your friend has a new boyfriend (at least I hope you’re not). You are upset because you feel like she found love and dumped you. Sometimes people behave differently and do not realize it. Talk to her about it and make sure you express your feelings effectively. You do not want her to think you are jealous of her new love.
2. Mirror Mirror on the wall
There’s a huge possibility that if you were the one with a new guy that your brain could be filled with thoughts of him and nothing else. Keep in mind that you won’t be single forever and will want her to be understanding when love comes knocking at your door.
3. Be supportive and Never Say “I Told You So”
Although you may feel forgotten, always make sure your friend still feels your support. This may be hard because you may experience feelings of betrayal or abandonment. In spite of it all, you must remain a friend. The guy may turn out to be a total douche bag and the last thing she wants or needs to hear is that you knew all along that this was a fluke and would not last. Even if they work out, be supportive and not bias in any advice you may give.
4. Friends are Forever, Boys are Whenever
Childish saying, right? Realistically there is some truth to this rhyme. Whether she breaks up with him or they end up happily married you will always be her friend. Eventually, a real friend will return from “Lover’s Land” and recognize that she has been neglecting her friend for her man. Be patient, have faith, and be prepared to welcome her back with open arms.
1. World Stop…Carry On
While you may be on Cloud 9 everyday, your friends may really be feeling left out. They may be going through things and need you, but you are not around to notice. Be sensitive to your friend’s feelings and don’t immediately think that they are jealous of you. Eight times out of ten they just really miss their friend.
2. Schedule, Schedule, Schedule!
You two may not talk everyday like you use to, but never allow too much time to go by without some form of communication. If you two always went out for drinks on the 5th of every month, continue to do that. Don’t let your relationship have precedent over your “Girl Time” (Unless of course that day is of significance).
3. Snap out of it!
Guys come and go, but real friends are forever. You have to ration your time between your friends, your man, and the most important person in this equation…you. Don’t get so consumed with trying to please everyone else that you forget about yourself.
4. Use Discretion.
When you finally realize that you have been neglecting your friend you will want to fill her in on all the things she has missed. Make sure you still paint your boyfriend in a good light. You don’t have to tell your friends every time your boyfriend messes up. Balance the negative with some positive. You don’t want her to become resentful towards him and eventually resent you for staying with someone she does not think is worthy of your heart.
Always remember, true friendship is not being inseparable. It’s being separated and nothing changes.