“She’s like a sister to me, we have known each other forever.” “He’s always been like a big brother, you have nothing to worry about.” Like Sunshine Anderson said, we have all heard it all before. It’s unrealistic to be in a relationship nowadays with someone who doesn’t have friends of the opposite sex, but you have to know the difference between a friend and a foe. Don’t get me wrong I am a believer in completely platonic friendships between the opposite sex, however let’s keep it 100 that is not always the case. Some people pose as friends to learn the details of your relationships and misuse that information for their own opportunity or selfish desire. So how do you know if they are really a friend or a foe?
Your female/ male “friends” may actually be foes if the following has happened or is continuing to happen:
1. They are single or in a relationship, but are constantly comparing their man to you or saying they want someone like you. “I wish my man was like you” is not appropriate conversation for friendship.
2. They are very aware of your relationship, but do not RESPECT your relationship (there is a HUGE difference). Nowadays it does not matter if someone knows you are in a relationship, it’s about whether or not they RESPECT it. (i.e. Sheila knows about your girlfriend Trisha but constantly talks bad about her or makes disrespectful jokes). This is not okay!
3. When you try to discuss your relationship they either change the subject or their body language changes and they become aggravated or annoyed. This one is important because nothing is worst than a silent foe.
4. They don’t respect boundaries. If your “friend” is constantly calling all times of the night especially when you are with your significant other then they do not respect their friendship boundaries and could possibly be a foe. This also includes showing up often unannounced when your significant other is present.
Bonus* If your significant other has a real problem with the two of you meeting or possible getting to know one another then there should be a flag on the play.
1. If you are unaware or skeptical about whether they are a real friend or a foe then never discuss the personal details of your relationship. Even if they are a real friend be very careful and cautious of the information you share. A foe will take that information and use it either against you or use that information to make themselves more appealing to you. (i.e. Brian tells Chloe that his girlfriend Veronica is insecure and the next time they see one another Chloe mentions to Veronica that she should really work on those insecurities). TRIED IT!
2. Make sure that your significant other and your friend know one another enough to feel comfortable both around you and without you. They don’t have to get matching bff tattoos or talk everyday, but they should be able to be cordial to one another.
3. Set boundaries. Unless there is an emergency do not have a friend calling during intimate hours (you can decide those hours with your partner). Also, asking your significant other to cut off any opposite sex friends who were there before you is a little hard, but anyone who is new and you honestly do not feel comfortable with them being around is an option for a cut off with GOOD reason. Sorry, not sorry. #kanyeshrug
Bonus* Do not make up situations in your head. Ladies this one is especially for us. A lot of times we think it’s our female intuition that tells us that he is really messing around with her when in reality it is our own insecurities messing with our minds. Work diligently within yourself to properly decipher if it’s really female intuition or just a fable you have made up in your mind.
In summary, “real recognizes real [so] stop and consider how many of your friends are starting to look unfamiliar.”