Reality vs. Potential


 “I love him and I know he can change. He is not where I want him to be, but I trust that he will get there eventually.” Does this sound familiar? We, as women, have all fallen in love with a guy who we honestly knew was no good from the start, but because we saw a small glimmer of hope inside of him we decided to waste our time. We tend to sometimes alter our “list” of standards to appease our physical need for affection, attention, and companionship. The sad reality ladies is that most men do not settle. If they want a woman who is light skinned with green eyes, they will find someone who is light skinned with green eyes. Don’t get me wrong, while they search they will still waste your time (if you don’t fit their dream girl description), but they will rarely settle down with someone who isn’t what they really want. We as women tend to fall in love with the potential of what a guy can be rather than the reality of who they really are.

First things first, you will never change a man who does not want to change. It does not matter how great of a person you are. You can be the prettiest, smartest, most giving person in the world, but a man who is not fully ready to commit to you will only waste your time. You will get sick of him and have your foot almost out of the door, but when he realizes it he will reach into his pocket, show a little potential, and you will stay. It happens more often than not. I can recall a particular situation in a past relationship where I knew very early that I was in love with his potential and not his reality. A relationship with God was extremely important to me, and he knew it, so every time I would try to end the relationship he would bring God into the situation saying, “God wants us to be together.” I fell for it (I cannot tell a lie), but eventually the potential that I was desperately trying to see turned into a distant memory and I left.

The world (media, friends, and social networks) will tell you that you are “too picky” and you will never have your “dream guy”, but I disagree. No, you will never find someone who is perfect and faultless because let’s be honest no one is perfect, but you will and can find someone who is perfect for you. When we realize that our standards should not be altered and stop accepting the potential of guys and start relying on the reality we will save ourselves a lot of heartache. Do not hold on to the hope that your guy will change for you because he will not if he is not ready. Fall in love and be committed to the reality of what he shows you on a daily basis instead of solely relying on potential that may never grow.

In summary, “never apologize for having high standards. People who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them.” 

Queen Mes ❤

4 thoughts on “Reality vs. Potential

  1. I found this blog to be quite interesting because I could relate to it. I recently faced this issue with my boyfriend. After several break ups within a four year period, I decided I no longer had the fight in me to continue with him. Since then, I’ve truly focused on a self evaluation. Though we’re no longer together I can accept it and I am at peace with self. Like the old saying “good things come to those who wait” 🙂


  2. Great blog, Jamesa! Time and again I find myself in these exact relationships constantly yearning for what I think a man could be or what he used to be. Thanks for the encouragement!


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