Got Boundaries?

The Real is one of my favorite shows on daytime television right now. I love how five spunky ladies, all from different backgrounds, come together and talk about today’s hot topics. The other day I was watching and an audience member asked a really interesting question. She wanted to know what boundaries you should set for your partner when they are going out on the town with their friends. Before the ladies gave their opinions I went into flashback mode and remembered all the ridiculous boundaries I tried to set in previous relationships. “Don’t get anyone’s number.” “Don’t cheat on me.” “Respect me.” Looking back I see how crazy and insecure I was to even set “rules” for my significant other while he was out with his boys. I learned something really important about making rules when your s.o. goes out without you..DON’T!

Simple, right? I’ll directly target my ladies on this one. Stop. No. Don’t. Ladies, if you have to tell your man not to cheat on you or to respect you when he is out with his boys then you probably should not be with him. A REAL man/woman knows how to go out with friends, have fun, and respect you all at the same time. If you are like me then you secretly do not like when your s.o. goes out without you (be honest) especially when you view them as your best friend too. And if they have fun without you? (insert scary music lol) The thought of him having fun without you is not a good feeling, but he cannot be with you 24/7. Maybe I’m alone in this one, huh? I learned that I had to let my s.o. go out with his friends and LEAVE HIM ALONE! You’ve probably stopped reading after that, but if I still have your attention just hear me out. I have learned from experience that when a woman is encouraging and supportive of her man going out (not excessively) and does not text him every five seconds then she is on his mind more.

When you let him have fun alone then nine times out of ten he will realize how much he misses you, text you frequently, and skip the after party with his boys to come home to you. No man wants to come home to a nagging women so if you have complained all night about him being out do not expect him to hurry home and shower you will love and affection. LET HIM BE. This applies to you too fellas. Let her enjoy her time without you so that when she does come home all she wants is to be around you.

SN: There are acceptable “rules” to give your significant other when they do go out. 1. Let me know when you get there. 2. Let me know if plans change and you end up somewhere else. 3. Let me know when you get home safely. Let’s be honest, we live in a crazy world so checking the safety and well being of your mate should always be acceptable. SN: If he/she forgets to text you when they get to their destination do not trip, simply send a quick text to check in, but DON”T KILL THEIR VIBE.

In summary, if you have to constantly to worry or set boundaries about him/her going out then you need to reevaluate yourself first (maybe some hidden insecurities) and then the relationship itself. A good bf/gf should never have to be told how to behave when they are out of your presence. Give them the space they need. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder. 

Queen Mes ❤

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