My grandmother had this quote on the wall of our bathroom when I was younger. It read, “Be careful of the words you say so keep them soft and sweet, for you never know from day to day which ones you’ll have to eat.” I remember reading it every day, but I never really understood how important it would be in my life, especially in my relationships. Arguing and disagreements are inevitable in any type of relationship. I personally believe that you cannot categorize your situation as a “real relationship” until you have a fight or go through something tough together. It’s important to see what type of fighter your partner is because trust me you want to know if your dream guy is a yeller or if your dream girl likes to throw things around the room when she’s angry. The fighting part is going to happen, but how do you express your feelings, but still try to save your relationship? I’m glad you asked:
- Fight in the moment.
This is crucial when arguing because we all have the tendency to sometimes justify why we are upset because of something that happened months or even years ago. For example, if you are angry because he forgot to put the toilet seat down then talk about that. Don’t bring up that fact that he did not open the car door for you last month or that he ignored you during the Super Bowl two years ago. When you start adding extra baggage to hurt feelings the result is an argument that went from 0 to 100 real quick.
- Don’t hit below the belt.
This one is hard because it’s sometimes our natural instinct to hurt someone who we feel is hurting us. STOP. NO. DON’T. Do not bring up things from his/her childhood that you know are a sensitive subject for them and do not say things that you know will hurt them. We all know some things that will push our partner’s buttons and hurt them When this happens things turn from a simple argument or disagreement to a bashing session where feelings are hurt long after the argument is over. Fight fair and remember that you love this person.
- Take responsibility for yourself.
“I know I hurt you, but it’s because I feel like you keep hurting me.” Sound familiar? When you partially take the blame and point out the blame in others you are justifying your wrong actions. Take ownership for what you did wrong and let your partner acknowledge what they did wrong. Do not water down your mess by exposing “the reason” you did something. If you are in a mature relationship then both of you should know how to take responsibility for your wrongdoings without exposing the infirmity of your partner. I promise you if you add this suggestion into your relationship your arguments will be finished in half the time.
In summary, “You can’t have a relationship without any fights, but you can make your relationships worth the fight.”
Queen Mes ❤